"Mis-matched mules"

"Mis-Matched Mules"

A lotta folks these days don't know much about driving a team of mules, but I am here to tell you, that's it ain't easy.  First of all, when God was passing out stubborn, he gave an extra share to mules.  They are very prone to want to do the opposite of what you want them to do, and sometimes they just won't do nothing at all, and might even sit down on you.  When you want a mule to turn right you say "Gee", and when you want him to go left, you say "Haw", but sometimes the mule doesn't remember which is which, and sometimes the mule just wants to do the opposite of what you want him to do. That means that if you got a matched pair of mules that both like to turn left, then you start your plowing on the right side of the field, and if you got a pair that likes to turn right, then you start your rows on the left side.

I was watching old Clem Barlow plow his field one day, and it seemed like every time he got to the end of the row, one mule wanted to go one way, and the other wanted to do just the opposite.  Well after a while Old Clem had worked up quite a sweat, and quite a bit of anger hollering Gee and Haw, and cussing at those mules, when all of a sudden, one of the mules just sits down right there in the field.  Well, Clem walked over to the side of the field and picked up a fallen branch off of an oak tree, and walked back over to the mule and just whacked him with that oak branch right between the eyes.

About this time there was a salesman from Atlanta driving down the road, and when he saw Clem hit that mule, he stopped his buggy and ran across the field hollering, "Hey mister, you can't be hitting that poor dumb animal like that!"  Old Clem looked up and said, "Hell, mister I wasn't trying to hurt him, I just wanted to get his attention, but you got one thing right, he is one dumb animal."  So you see, thats the kinda problems you get when you are driving a team of mis-matched mules.

I was kinda thinking that our government these days is a lot like a team of mis-matched mules, what with the Skunks trying to go one way, and the Polecats always trying to do the opposite.  That's why Old Bascomb is running for President of the Good Old USA.  You see, I know how to drive a team of mis-matched mules, and besides, I got me a mighty stout oak stick, for when I need to get their attention.

"Now that's just the way I see it, and You can tell'em I said so." 

Bascomb Biggers