"Done Throwed a Shoe"

The Nankipooh Enquirer "Covers the South like Sorghum Syrup"
P. O. Box 1849
Nankipooh, Georgia
Editor in Chief: Colonel Bascomb Biggers
Ace Reporter : Scoop Biggers
bascombbiggers@bellsouth.net


DATELINE March 25, 2013:
"Done Throwed a Shoe"
By: Bascomb Biggers

I might have told ya'll before that Thursday was always horse shoe pitchin day at the Biggers Grocery down there in Nankipooh, and I was thinkin the other day about one Thursday when the County Commissioner showed up to pitch with us. Now we was all a little surprised since it wasn't even election time, so we weren't used to seein him when he wasn't politicin. Usually he'd show up a few weeks before the election to pitch, or if it was rainin, to play some checkers, and make sure he could count on the Nankipooh vote.

This Thursday he was as happy as a pig in slop, and he soon let us know why. "I done throwed a shoe with the Governor the other day, he says, and I thought I'd come over here today to show you boys a couple of things that I learned from him." Well now we knew why he was here, he had just dropped by Nankipooh to brag a little. Of course we all knew the Governor too, since whenever he came down to Columbus from Atlanta, the train would always let him off in Nankipooh.

You see the way it worked was that the Governor would get off the train at Nankipooh where they had a wagon and a team of mules waitin for him. He would drive the wagon the last five miles down to Columbus, and all of the folks along the way would think he had driven that wagon and them mules all the way down from Atlanta, him bein a common workin man and all.

It made quite a sight too, with him in his overalls and bright red suspendors, and a few drops of sweat drippin off his brow. You see folks, the Governor, and my Grandpa Biggers, both knew that when it comes to politics, it aint what it is, its what people thinks it is. Come to think of it, we had a President a few years back that said just about the same thing. I believe he put it like this; "it depends on what your definition of "is", is."

Now I'm going to tell you the plain truth, when it comes to politics, and some others things as well, things ain't always what they seem to be, so you had better keep your eyes open, and only trust them part of the time. Course, you can always trust Old Bascomb, I ain't never lied to you, except for maybe right now.

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell-em I said so!""

Bascomb Biggers

"Law and Order"

DATELINE March 11, 2013:
"Law and Order"

I have been thinking quite a bit of late about all of the press the various local sheriff's department have been getting, and that applies whether you are talking about Nankipooh, or up near the Nantahala. It seems that during hard times ,citizens are more concerned than ever about "law and order".

It reminds me of my own experience in law enforcement. I was a member of the School Safety Patrol back when I was in the sixth grade at Nankipooh Elementary School. As we called it back then, I was a Patrol Boy, in charge of the biggest street crossing in front of the school, which was the Fortson Road, a Muscogee County main thoroughfare headed north out of Columbus on its way past Nankipooh toward Fortson, Georgia.

One day when I was "on patrol", two boys crossed the road north of my crossing, where there was no cross-walk, which was strictly against the rules. I raced up to them, and after a brief struggle, I was able to "collar" them and haul them back to the school. There I brought them before the Vice Principal, "Old Lady" Powell, who was also the sixth grade teacher, but was in charge since the principal had gone home for the day. After learning that I had used un-due force in apprehending the two suspects, she released them and took my Patrol Boy's badge from me.

The next day I was arraigned before Nellie Smith the School Principal. Nellie told me that she was going to return my badge, but that I had been up for promotion to sergeant, and under the circumstances, and also to appease "Old Lady" Powell, the promotion would be given to someone else.

Now when she heard that my badge had been returned, "Old Lady" Powell was outraged, and declared that as extra punishment, I would not be allowed to appear on the local TV station the following week, where our sixth grade class was scheduled to preform a demonstration of square dancing. Now this was quite a blow to me, since the class had been rehearsing for this big event for more than six months. After that, my career in law enforcement was never the same. I was bitter because everyone in the sixth grade was on TV except me, and I never made officer in the Safety Patrol either. Who knows, if I had made sergeant in the sixth grade, I might have been promoted to lieutenant, or maybe even captain in the seventh grade.

Now I am reminded of this story because I realize how hard it is to enforce the law, and stay within the boundaries which maintain the safety of the citizens, and also insure the peace. However, I remind those in law enforcement of their responsibility to do their job according to the law, and also in the best interest of the citizens. After all, you never know when "Old Lady" Powell might be watching, and come for your badge. She was called "Old Lady" Powell because she was the meanest teacher in Muscogee County. But who knows, she might also have been the best teacher in the county.


"Just my opinion"

Scoop Biggers