Turtle Soup II

The Nankipooh Enquirer

"Turtle Soup"

It seems that some of my cousins, who are Great Grandchildren, or even Great, Great, Grandchildren of Bascomb Biggers are reading these articles on "I grew up in Nankipooh", so I am re-posting a story, which is a true story about Bascomb Biggers.  This story was told to me by my Grandpa, James Norman Biggers, who was the son of Bascomb Biggers, but most of you know him as the Mr. Biggers who owned the Biggers Grocery in Nankipooh.

RE: "Turtle Soup"

One Sunday we was all sitting around the dinner table, and Mama was bringing out some homemade heaven from the kitchen. There was fried chicken and mashed potatoes, and collard greens, and black-eyed peas with ham hocks, fresh sliced tomatoes, and cat's paw biscuits. The last thing she brought out was a big old tureen of homemade soup, which she served to Daddy first. We was all lapping it down and thought it was really great, when Bascomb said, Hon, bring me another bowl of that chicken soup."

Well Mama knew that Daddy would never eat any turtle no matter how it was fixed, and she knew that this was not chicken soup, but turtle soup. So she looked him right in the eye, and said, "Bascomb, this ain't chicken soup, its turtle soup, and I see that you liked it." Well the dining room got real quiet, and then Daddy stood up and said, "Woman I told you never to cook turtle for me!", And with that he walked over and picked up that tureen, which had come from Grandma's mother, and he carried it to the open window and heaved that turtle soup, tureen and all, right out into the yard.  We never had any turtle to eat in our house ever again, and no one ever mentioned turtle soup, or Grandma's soup tureen ever again either.

Now I learned a few things from that which I still think about today. First, no matter how much someone likes something, it might not make any difference, if it ain't what they think it is. Second, if someone you care about asks you not to do something, and you do it anyway, you might lose something precious. And third, I still ain't never eat any turtle in my whole life ever again, and I don't think I’m any worse off for it!

Some of them folks up in DC might just think a little bit, before they start offering up something which ain't what you think it is.  So watch out for some Skunk or Polecat trying to get you to eat turtle, when they want you to think its chicken!

"Now that's just the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so." 

Bascomb Biggers

"Mis-matched mules"

"Mis-Matched Mules"

A lotta folks these days don't know much about driving a team of mules, but I am here to tell you, that's it ain't easy.  First of all, when God was passing out stubborn, he gave an extra share to mules.  They are very prone to want to do the opposite of what you want them to do, and sometimes they just won't do nothing at all, and might even sit down on you.  When you want a mule to turn right you say "Gee", and when you want him to go left, you say "Haw", but sometimes the mule doesn't remember which is which, and sometimes the mule just wants to do the opposite of what you want him to do. That means that if you got a matched pair of mules that both like to turn left, then you start your plowing on the right side of the field, and if you got a pair that likes to turn right, then you start your rows on the left side.

I was watching old Clem Barlow plow his field one day, and it seemed like every time he got to the end of the row, one mule wanted to go one way, and the other wanted to do just the opposite.  Well after a while Old Clem had worked up quite a sweat, and quite a bit of anger hollering Gee and Haw, and cussing at those mules, when all of a sudden, one of the mules just sits down right there in the field.  Well, Clem walked over to the side of the field and picked up a fallen branch off of an oak tree, and walked back over to the mule and just whacked him with that oak branch right between the eyes.

About this time there was a salesman from Atlanta driving down the road, and when he saw Clem hit that mule, he stopped his buggy and ran across the field hollering, "Hey mister, you can't be hitting that poor dumb animal like that!"  Old Clem looked up and said, "Hell, mister I wasn't trying to hurt him, I just wanted to get his attention, but you got one thing right, he is one dumb animal."  So you see, thats the kinda problems you get when you are driving a team of mis-matched mules.

I was kinda thinking that our government these days is a lot like a team of mis-matched mules, what with the Skunks trying to go one way, and the Polecats always trying to do the opposite.  That's why Old Bascomb is running for President of the Good Old USA.  You see, I know how to drive a team of mis-matched mules, and besides, I got me a mighty stout oak stick, for when I need to get their attention.

"Now that's just the way I see it, and You can tell'em I said so." 

Bascomb Biggers

Turkey Chase

"Turkey Chase "

Something that's new in Georgia since my time, is that these days you can hunt turkeys in our state.  As a matter of fact, a few years back, I was visiting a friend who lives on the Georgia side of Lookout Mountain, and I saw more than twenty wild turkeys grazing in his backyard.  When I was a boy growing up in Nankipooh we had never seen or heard of a wild turkey anywhere in these parts, except of course, for the time we had the "Great Nankipooh Turkey Chase".

You see, old Will Barlow, who lived up near Fortson, used to raise turkeys to be sold at Thanksgiving and Christmas, so folks could have a big holiday dinner.  Well one year, just before Thanksgiving, he was headed into Columbus driving a team of mules hitched to a wagon with a cage in the back, that had about six turkeys in it.  Just as he got to the railroad tracks in front of the Biggers Grocery, a yellow jacket stung one of the mules on the back, and the mule started bucking just as they were going over the tracks, and bounced that cage full of turkeys right out of the wagon.  Well, the cage busted and those turkeys took off in six different directions.

Some of the boys were inside the store playing checkers and they saw the whole thing, and come running out to help Will catch his turkeys.  I don't know whether you know it or not, but a turkey can run pretty fast, and these raised up turkeys couldn't fly, but they sure could cover some ground.  By the time it was all over, about ten men had spent about three hours chasing turkeys all over Nankipooh.  Will got five of his turkeys back, but Walter Moon killed one with his shotgun, because he thought it was a wild turkey, and it was on his land, so the Moons had turkey for Thanksgiving, courtesy of the "Great Nankipooh Turkey Chase".

I don't know whether you folks have noticed or not, but what's going on up in DC these days is just about as organized as a turkey chase, what with the Skunks and the Polecats fussing with each other all the time, and never getting anything done.  Of course the Skunks in the Congress hate the Polecat in the Whitehouse, and vice versa.  Its done got so bad that the Secret Service is out getting drunk at lunch time, and the FBI is having to investigate the State Department, and the country's top general got fired for sleeping with his assistant.  Its plain to see that we got a bunch of turkeys running things, whether they be Skunks or Polecats, they all stink.

That's just another reason that Old Bascomb is running for President of the Good Old USA.  The ship of state is adrift with nobody at the wheel, and its time for somebody to steady our course.  If I can drive a team of mis-matched mules, then I know I can corral a bunch of turkeys!

"Now that's just the way I see it, and You can tell'em I said so." 

Bascomb Biggers