"Bascomb Takes a Stand"

DATELINE: 9/15/2011
RE: "Bascomb takes a Stand"


A lot of folks have been askin me where I stand on the issues, besides hatin all of the lyin Skunks and Polecats up in DC. Well there are three big issues facin the country today.
1. Immigration
2. Money
3. Jobs

Well first let me say that when it comes to our borders, that I believe we should have regular patrols to keep them folks from down in Columbus from sneakin in up here in Nankipooh. I also understand that there has been a few of them Roosevelt Liberals from over in Warm Springs comin over here to our barn dances.

When it comes to the broader issue, I ain't wantin none of them folks from Alabama or Tennessee comin around here neither. Now my kin folks came to Nankipooh from South Carolina a few hundred years ago, so I guess them folks are alright, but we don't want none of them yankees sneakin up here from Florida though.

Now when you start talkin about money, its a tough subject, since most of the folks around Nankipooh ain't got much of it. It seems like the government and the banks got most of the money, and they ain't spreadin it around too much. The big Federal Bank up in DC just keeps givin the littler banks money for free, and they use it to buy up mortgages and other banks. The 1st Nankipooh Bank wouldn't even lend old Bascomb any money to put more stock in the Nankipooh General Store. A bunch of folks around here is tradin with each other, since they ain't got no money, but I understand that the government is tryin to figure out how to put a tax on that too.

Maybe the best thing would be for us to print our own money down here in Nankipooh and not use none of them DC greenbacks. We ain't got none anyway. Course the Skunks and Polecats up in DC won't allow that either, since they are the only ones allowed to print money to pay bills, that they ain't got no money for. So I say let's do away with money and go back to usin gold and silver, or just tradin with one another.

Now the hardest thing is how to come up with some more jobs. Maybe the farmers could take on folks to help them, and teach them how to farm, and then after they have learned, they could give them a little strip of land of their own to farm. Old Bascomb is willin to take on a helper at the Nankipooh General Store and teach him how to be a store keeper in exchange for him runnin the soft drink department on a commission basis.

There is a lot of folks that ain't got a job cause they don't know how to do what people is payin for. Maybe the Mayor of Nankipooh could teach some folks about politics, since there seems to be a lot of work for politicians. It also seems that the government and the banks ought to be hirin since they got all the money. If folks don't work, they can't spend money or pay taxes, and that's what it takes to keep things runnin.

Now the one thing we all got to learn to get through hard times, is that you can't buy things that you ain't got no money for. If you are in debt, you can't borrow your way out of debt, just like you can't dig yourself out of a hole! That goes for folks in Nankipooh as well as the Skunks and Polecats up in DC!

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers

"Fish Tales"

DATELINE: 8/19/2011
RE: "Fish Tales"


I was fishin down at the mill pond with my old cajun buddy Beaudreaux the other day, and the fish weren't bitin much, so we started swappin yarns with one another about fishin trips. Now old Beaudreaux is a famous liar from way back, and he can even out lie most any Skunk or Polecat politician from up in DC, and that's sayin a lot!

Well I start out, and I say, "Beaudreaux you remember that big drought we had back in '95? Well it was so hot and dry back then, that one day I was fishin down at the creek, and when I finnaly caught a little scrawney catfish, he had three ticks on his back from being out of the water so much."

"Shoot, that ain't nothin," says Beaudreaux. "Last year me and my cousin Jimbo was out on the bayou doin some frog giggin late at night, and just as I had gigged a frog and was fetchin him into the boat, a big old channel cat jumped up and grabbed that frog and my gig, and made off with the whole lot. When he did, the kerosene lantern got tangled up in the mess, and he fetched it off with him too. Well we couldn't see nothin without no light, since there weren't no moon, so we went on back home."

"The next day me and old Jimbo went back down to the bayou to look for my frog gig, and we come up on the rope I had tied to it, layin in the water up against the bank. Well at least I got my gig back, I says, and I got ahold of that rope and you know what, when I pulled it out of the water there was my frog gig, with the frog still stuck on it, and holdin on to that frog was a twenty pound channel cat. Well looky here! I done got lucky, and I pulled that catfish up out of the water, and you know what? That lantern come up out of the water all tangled up in the rope with the gig! And, do you know what else? It had been so hot and dry that that lantern was still lit!"

Well I knew right then that there was no more use in swappin lies with Beaudreaux! That man could lie his way out of a Lion's den, with a story about a mouse, and an old shoe, but that's one for another day.

The fact is, them old Skunks and Polecats up in DC think they got the market cornered when it comes to lyin, and I got to admit they sure got a fair amount of the votin folks all caught up in their lies. But when it comes to tellin lies, they can't hold a candle to a good old Southern Boy, especially a Cajun!

Now I have done told you before, that you can trust old Bascomb, because I ain't never lied to you, except for maybe right now.



"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers

"Borrowin Money"

 

DATELINE: 8/08/2011
RE: "Borrowin Money"


The other day I went down to the Nankipooh 1st Bank to see old Lem Barlow the head banker down there, about borrowin some extra money, to help get some more stock for the Nankipooh General Store. Now, I been doin business with old Lem for about forty years now, and him and me has always got along just fine.

Well this time Lem says, "Sorry Bascomb, the bank can't lend you any more money, since you already owe us almost half of what the store brings in every year." So I says, "So what, the boys up in DC just borrowed some more money for the government, and they are in about the same shape as me and the Nankipooh General Store." Well old Lem just leaned back in his chair and started laughin. You ain't the government, Bascomb, and besides you ain't got a printing press to print up more money to pay your bills with!" Now I did have a cousin one time, who had a money printin press, but the T-Men caught him, and now he lives in a big house in Atlanta over on Boulevard Ave.

It seems like these days there is a whole lot of things the government can do which they don't allow us to do. Such as runnin a gamblin business (Lottery), while we can't even run a legal poker game for money, out of our house. Now I don't want to run a poker house or print money, I just want a loan to help me run the Nankipooh General Store. Now, that ain't fixin to happen, you see my credit ratin has done gone down below AAA.

I hate to tell those rascals up in DC, but their ratin with me has done fell below triple F, and I don't feel much like givin them no more money.


"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers