The Write In Ballot

DATELINE October 29, 2010:
The Write-In Ballot

Is it just me or is our country up to its collective neck in quick sand? It has got to the point where it seems the voters can't tell the difference between a skunk and a polecat. I've done swallowed so many lies during this election that I can't even say "Howdy do" and make it seem like the truth. I tell you it makes me feel more like I do now than I did a little while ago. But my old daddy used to say that even a blind hawg finds an acorn every now and then, and it's about time for this old hawg to root one out!

By that I mean it's time to throw all those skunks and polecats out of office. I mean every last one of them! I intend to vote against every incumbent from now on until they all get so scared that they do what the people want for fear of losing their jobs, which is all they care about. If I can't find someone decent to vote for on the ballot, then I will write one in, and speaking of writing one in, there is not a better time to write in Bascomb Biggers anywhere on the ballot where you don't like the choice.
Bascomb Biggers
October 29, 2110

The Nankipooh Mayor's Race

DATELINE: October 14, 2010

"The Nankipooh Mayor's Race"

We got ourselves quite a horse race down here in Nankipooh, watching these two scalawags try to out lie one another in order to be elected mayor of Nankipooh. On one hand you got the Democrat Ray Brown, a former mayor, and on the other hand you got old Nate Done, a former county commissioner running for the Republicans. Now both of these old boys are what we call professional politicians and they have been messing up Nankipooh and the county for decades now. So you might say we ain't got much of a choice for the next mayor of Nankipooh.

They both run ads on the TV that look like mirror images of each other. For instance they both got an ad showing two old farmers settin on the steps of the general store drinking cokes and playin checkers. While they play they are bad-mouthing the other candidate, and laughing at him.

One of these fools has a TV ad which says that everbody is laughing at Nankipooh, and the other one has an ad sayin his opponent has nothing to say, except apologize for when he was the mayor before. Neither one really wants to do anything for Nankipooh, they both just want to get elected so they can keep feedin at the public trough.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of these nere-do-wells lying to me to get my vote.
I'm also tired of these old boys tellin me how bad the other is, so you won't see how bad he is. My Daddy said you could always tell when a politician is lying, because it starts when they open their mouth.

You can always vote for me, Bascomb Biggers, I don't want much, but I sure would like a steady income in these hard times. Besides, there is one thing you know about me for sure..."I ain't no liar, and I ain't never lied to you, except for maybe, right now."

Bascomb Biggers
10-14-2010