"The New Orleans"

DATELINE: 10/20/2011
RE: "The New Orleans"



My daddy used to talk about what a great man Mark Twain was, writin about the mighty Mississippi, and river boats, and all that stuff about Huckleberry Finn. Well it set me to thinkin about how all that got started, and here we are at the 200th anniversary of the first river boat down the Mississippi to New Orleans.

It is the 200th anniversary of the voyage of the steamboat New Orleans. The New Orleans left Pittsburgh, PA on October 20, 1811, and changed the course of the history of the United States as it cruised down the Ohio and Mississippi Rivers, arrivin in New Orleans, LA in January of 1812. Now that ain't a speed record which stands today, since it took more that twelve weeks for the trip, but it is the beginnin of a new era for this country.

Now I don't recollect any politicians being on board, but there probably was a few just for the headlines, and by the way, one of the owners of the boat was an ancestor of them Roosevelts. Now this was a big event and it set the tone for Mark Twain, and the importance of the mighty Mississippi to this country. Of course the government has been tryin to control the river ever since, just like it does everything else.

The government's control of the river ain't been too good after these last couple of centuries, what with there bein quite a number of floods, and a lot of loss of life and money along with it. If you ever wonder if the government would be any good in charge of anything else, just look at their record on the Mississippi river.

The two parties we got up in DC right now (Skunks and Polecats) is just the same as all the ones before them, they want to control everything from the Mississippi river to what kind of light bulbs you use in your house. I say its time for the government to git out of all the business that don't involve protectin the citizens and the borders, and makin the country safe for the people that pay them their wages.

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers

"Snakes"

DATELINE: 10/04/2011
RE: "Snakes"


Growin up in the woods around Nankipooh, you learn a thing or two about snakes. Now we got all kinds of snakes around here, and some of them might kill you, while others are just a little aggreavatin, and a few can help out every now and then. We got diamond back rattlers, timber rattlers, pigmy rattlers, cotton mouths, copperheads, and coral snakes. Grandpa Biggers used to say, "Only kill the ones that have got poison, but if you ain't sure, go ahead and kill em anyway." You can always tell your friends, which are the king snakes and the garter snakes.

The best thing to kill a snake with is a hoe, with a sharp blade and at least a six foot handle, so you can keep the snake out of strikin range. You also should not use the same hoe you use to fix hoe cakes with.

I once killed a chicken snake, which looks a little like a rattle snake, except for a round, instead of triangle lookin head. This one had a bluge behind his head and I wasn't sure, so I fetched my hoe and chopped off his head, but it turned out that the buldge was a big old toad he had just swallowed. Well the toad, he hopped out of that snake just as happy as could be, since he figured he was a gonner when he got swallowed. Of course the chicken snake didn't think much of my mistake, since he was dead.

Now you all know we got a bunch of varmits up in DC, belongin to either the Skunk or Polecat party, but we also got quite a few snakes up there too, and you can't always tell which ones got poison, and which ones ain't. Now skunks and polecats, and snakes will all get into the chicken coop and rob you of your eggs, so maybe its time to sharpen up that hoe and commence to choppin heads.

We got a whole bunch up there who don't want to do nothin except lay around all day eatin your eggs, and lie about whether they got poison or not. Now I ain't sayin they are all bad, just most of them, and they ain't doin nothin to solve this country's problems. Well old Bascomb ain't a polecat or a skunk, and he shore ain't a snake. Shoot, I hardly ever eat eggs, and I ain't got enough poison to kill a gnat! The one thing I do have is an honest reputation, and a will to be fair, and do the right thing. So Bascomb is bound to be better in DC than what you got up there right now, besides I need a payin job, and I am willin to work for half of what the Skunks and Polecats are gettin. After all friends, I ain't never lied to you, except for maybe right now.

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers