"Birds of Prey"

DATELINE: 3/29/2011
"BIRDS OF PREY"

The symbol for this great country has always been the American Bald Eagle. Everybody was for it back in the early days, except maybe for old Ben Franklin, who wanted it to be the American Wild Turkey. Well I was fishin down in the salt water for speckled trout some time back, and I saw something that made me kinda re-consider old Ben's point of view.

While I was fishin for those trout, I saw an Osprey (fish eagle) dive down into the water and snatch up a trout with his talons and start headin back to the nest with it. About this time here comes a bald eagle bearin down on that osprey, and before you can say excuse me, he has hit that osprey right in the back. Well the osprey drops that fish and turns upside down in mid air to turn its talons toward the eagle, but its too late. The eagle headed straight for the dropped fish, snatched it up, and was flyin back home before you knew what was happenin.

Now osprey only eat and feed their young the fresh fish which they catch themselves, while an eagle will eat most anything, and likes to rob the osprey of their catch. Which is the more noble bird?

It seems like the American Eagle up in DC has been robbin a lot of folks in this country of their hard earned catch, and not only feedin their young, but a lot of other folks who ain't earned nothin for themselves. It has done got to the point where this old osprey can't catch enough fish for me and all of them too!

I believe that old Ben realized that the Wild Turkey takes care of themselves and their own too. Maybe its time to send a Turkey (or an osprey) to DC, and Bascomb is ready to go.

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'um I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers

"Lawyers"

DATELINE: 3/05/2011
"LAWYERS"

I was thinking the other day that maybe it was time for old Bascomb to make out a will, being that I probably don't have as many days ahead of me as I do behind me. Well even a good old southern boy knows that you can't beat a Jewish lawyer when it comes to messin with this dad-gummed legal system, we got goin in this country today. So I contacted the best firm in Nankipooh:
Travice and Leecar
Counselors at Law
#9 Main Street
Nankipooh, Georgia
Now I have known both of these fellers for nigh onto forty years, so I figured I could trust them to do right by me. Well first off I had to take one of them out to lunch just to set up a time to start makin out the will. Then the appointment time kept changin for the next couple of months, until finally three months later I had a chance to sit down in the office and discuss the will, which I had ended up havin to write myself.

Well they called in a bunch of folks to testify that it was in fact my will, and I of course had to pay for their lunch as well. Then they told me that when they had finished every thing, they would sent me a copy of the will to keep at home. When I did get the copy, I found out that a bunch of pages had all been scrambled up, and some of the heirs were different than what I had said to begin with. The only part that was right was the one about Travice and Leecar being in charge of my estate, and them gettin some of the money.

They promised that they would fix everything, and send a good copy of the will to me in a few days. Well its been several months now and I ain't heard nothing else from them about it. I got to thinking about the way the government and all these lawyers are runnin things these days and I decided that I just ain't gonna die, cause its just too dad-gummed complicated.


"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'um I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers