"Horseshoes"

DATELINE AUGUST 08, 2012:
"Horseshoes"
By: Bascomb Biggers

Every Thursday is horseshoe pitchin day at the Biggers Grocery Store down in Nankipooh, except of course if its rainin, and then we have a checker tournament. The usual players are George Adams, the richest farmer in Nankipooh, my brother in law, Harry Rogers who works for the railroad, and his son Pete, who is also a railroad man, my brother James, the architect, and of course, Old Bascomb. I like pitchin horseshoes on Thursday, since Wednesday is my regular fishin day, and I always got a good fish tale to tell the boys on Thursday.

Well you know in horseshoes, you score points of three for a ringer, two for a leaner, and one for a shoe within a shoe width of the post. I got to thinkin the other day that some of the politicians runnin this country ought to be paid about the same way. That is, of course, if you can find any that are worth payin to begin with. You know ball players get paid based on whether they can hit or pitch, and the better they do, the more money they make. Now politicians usually get paid accordin to how many times they been elected, and I ain't talkin about their salary, cause you know the more times they been in office, the more money they make on the side. I believe that's called "political influence", and the more of that they got, then the more money they can make.

But what if they was paid based on what they do for the people, or even by how little they steal from the taxpayers? For instance if they was to lower the budget for a whole year, then they get a ringer, or three points. If they was to lower taxes, that might be a leaner, and get them two points, and if they don't get caught stealin for a whole year, then they get one point. Well by the end of a year, we might even have a couple of those boys who actually earned a salary. Of course they don't care much if they don't earn any money, cause their real job is gettin elected, and then re-elected. The more times that happens, the more "political influence" they got. And, that goes for both the Skunk and the Polecat Parties. You know, you can't tell-em apart since they both stink.

"Now that's the way I see it , and you can tell-em I said so."
Bascomb Biggers