"The Man from Nankipooh"

DATELINE: 4/10/2012
RE: "The Man From Nankipooh"


Well a lotta folks have been askin me what the difference is between the Skunks and the Polecats, and I can tell you that about the only difference is the way they want to spend the money that they steal from you. Other than that, they both stink! Now that brings me to another question, now that we are down to one Skunk and one Polecat to go up against the man from Nankipooh. What is the difference between a "Flip-flopper" and a "Flop"?

Well, you see, one has changed his stand so many times, that you ain't real sure what exactly it is that he stands for, other than wantin to be elected. The other ain't changed his stripes much, other than lyin about his record, but the record in truth is a complete failure at doin anything other than spendin your money. Of course, there are a few Skunks left who won't admit that they are finished, but you can put a fork in-em, cause they are done.

It reminds me of a fishin trip awhile back, when me and Clem Patterson was fishin on the Standing Boy Creek up near Mulberry Grove. Well you see me and Clem had a bet goin as to who was goin to catch the most fish that day, with the winner gettin a bucket of beer from the other one. By five o'clock I had done caught seventeen bluegill to Clem's four, but he just wouldn't give it up. So he says, "I will go you double or nothin, that I catch a bigger fish than you before six o'clock".

Well right after that, I caught a bluegill that must have weighed a pound and a half, which was a really big one for that little creek. But old Clem he just wouldn't give it up, and then about five minutes before six, he got a bite that just about pulled that cane pole right out of his hands. "I got you now, Bascomb", he says as he struggles to land that mighty fish. Well he finally drug it up to the bank, and it turns out it wasn't a fish at all, but a big old three or four pound snappin turtle. Of course, old Clem claimed that it counted even if it wasn't a fish, and I argued that we was fishin not turtlin, and so nobody got a beer, and me and Clem have been arguin about that day ever since.

That's kinda what this election seems to be all about, with nobody bein able to agree what the contest is really about, except they all want to win, and get a taste of your money. The truth is though, that this is about fixin what's broke about our country, so most of the money needs to go toward that, and that's just what old Bascomb wants to do. We got some serious business to take care of here, so we better get to doin it instead of arguin about who gets to count the money!

"Now, That's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so."

Bascomb Biggers