Professional Fools

DATELINE: 1/23/2012
RE: "Professional Fools"


It sure has been fun sittin around down here in Nankipooh watchin the professional politicians make fools of themselves. This Presidential election has got to be just about the most confusin one this country, and Old Bascomb have ever seen. The Skunks and Polecats parties couldn't put on a better show, if they was P.T. Barnum and Mr. Baily themselves, with a whole tent full of clowns, which is of course is just another name for fools.

Now, you know, Old Bascomb has tossed his hat into the ring for President, but I never knew that it was goin to be a three ring circus. Why, a man could grow old and die, just waitin for the dust to settle, and see who the final choice for Skunk and Polecat will be to go up against the man from Nankipooh.

Just for a re-cap, let's see what we got here. First we got a man sittin in the White House who ain't never seen a dollar he didn't want to spend. The fools in the Skunk Party figured this would be an easy chance for them to go up against the man sittin there, and they started out with a whole bunch of challengers, who very shortly commenced to chasin their own tails. When they got tired of that, they started chasin each other's tails. You had several of them who have had a hard time keepin their pants zipped up, and most of the rest don't know when to zip up their mouth. All in all, its been a pretty good show so far.

Now the Polecats have been mostly just sittin and watchin, and besides enjoyin the show, they been lookin pretty much like a coyote watchin a prarie dog, and waitin for dinner. Course while they been watching, they been gobblin up dollars faster than a black mouse eatin cheese on a white floor. I guess they figure that if they don't hold on to the White House next year, it won't matter much, since they will have done got all the money they can carry off anyways.

This is of course has got the Skunk party kinda worried, since they didn't get their fill the last time they was in charge, and the Polecats have done took stealin money from the voters to a new all time high. Now my friends this might make you ask the question, "what's in it for Old Bascomb?", and I'm gonna tell you. All I want is a full time job, and a chance to cut back on stealin the taxpayer's money to a reasonable level. I figure about half of what the professional politicians are gettin right now would be about right.

You see I believe we can run the government on a whole lot less money, and the Skunks and Polecats can still fill their pockets, while leavin a little left over for doin the work of the country, which means a little bit for you, the taxpayers. After all, you are the ones payin the bill, and Old Bascomb only wants a fair day's wage for a fair day's work, so I see the job of President as being kinda like a guard on the henhouse, so that the Skunks and the Polecats don't get all the eggs. Oh, and I do want to make Fried Catfish the National Dinner, with enough Hush Puppies for everyone!

"Now, That's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so."

Bascomb Biggers

"Will Rogers and Politics"

DATELINE: 1/01/2012
RE: "Will Rogers and Politics"


Back durin the Great Depression, when we was in really hard times, and the country was hurtin real bad, there was a man named Will Rogers who kept us all on balance by makin fun of some of the things that was hurtin us the most. One of his favorite subjects was the government, and if he was alive today, he sure would have a lot of ammunition to fire off at these rascals we got runnin things today. Below are a few of his best quotes which seem to work just fine with today's crop of professional politicians.

Will Rogers Comments on Politics and the Government
"The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other."
"A fool and his money are soon elected."
“The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office."
"There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets."
"Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago."
"The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected."
"If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress?"
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."

Now, back in Will Rogers’ time when we really were in hard times, he made a lot of us laugh when there wasn’t much that seemed funny. I ain’t Will Rogers and I ain’t all that funny, but I do know that one thing this country needs is a good laugh, and the government sure is tryin hard to give us one. One thing about old Will, he sure liked dogs, and a man that likes dogs can’t be all bad. One of my favorite quotes from Will was...
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went’.

That reminds me of one of my favorite old sayins, which is, “the more people I meet, the better I like my dog!”
Of course that sure applies to politicians, both the Skunk and the Polecat parties, which is one reason old Bascomb is runnin for President, besides needin a steady job. Of course I ain't a Skunk or a Polecat, I'm what you call "Independent". Remember folks, I ain't never lied to you, except for maybe right now.

"Now, That's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so."

Bascomb Biggers