"Bascomb's Will"

"Bascomb’s Will" I was thinking the other day that maybe it was time for old Bascomb to make out a will, being that I probably don't have as many days ahead of me as I do behind me.  Well even a good old southern boy knows that you need a lawyer when it comes to messing with this dad-gummed legal system, we got going in this country today. So I contacted the best firm in Nankipooh: Now I have known these fellers for nigh onto forty years, so I figured I could trust them to do right by me.  Well first off, I had to take one of them out to lunch just to set up a time to start making out the will.  Then the appointment time kept changing for the next couple of months, until finally three months later I had a chance to sit down in the office and discuss the will, which I had ended up having to write myself. Well they called in a bunch of folks to testify that it was in fact my will, and I of course had to pay for their lunch as well.  Then they told me that when they had finished everything, they would send me a copy of the will to keep at home.  When I did get the copy, I found out that a bunch of pages had all been scrambled up, and some of the heirs were different than what I had said to begin with.  The only part that was right was the one about the lawyers being in charge of my estate, and them getting some of the money. They promised that they would fix everything, and send a good copy of the will to me in a few days.  Well it’s been several months now and I ain't heard nothing else from them about it.  I got to thinking about the way the government and all these lawyers are running things these days and I decided that I just ain't gonna die, cause it’s just too dad-gummed complicated. "Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'um I said so!"  Bascomb Biggers

"Friends"

The Nankipooh Enquirer 
"Covers the South like Sorghum Syrup"

P. O. Box 1849

Nankipooh, Georgia

Editor in Chief: Colonel Bascomb Biggers

Ace Reporter : Scoop Biggers

"Friends"

When I was twelve years old the principal at my school gave me a whipping for something I didn't do, and I told my daddy that I was never going to go back to that school ever again.  Daddy says "Son if you ain't going to school, then you are going to work on the farm like a grown man", and right then I began what was to become sixty years of being a farmer.  It was also then that me and Albert began working together. Albert was the grandson of a slave that had worked on my grandpa's farm, and he was the same age as me, and wasn't going to school no more, since in those days the black folks didn't go to school past seventh grade.  Me and Albert already knew each other, and was friends who went fishing and swimming together.  Working together for fifteen hours a day like men taught us some new lessons about life, like depending on other folks to get the job done. One day me and Albert was hoeing out in the cotton field when I turned around and saw Mr. Rattlesnake all curled up and getting ready to bite me.  Before I could even blink, Albert had cut that snake's head clean off with his hoe, and sent Mr. Rattlesnake on down the road to glory, and snake heaven, if there is such a place.  From then on me and Albert wern't just fishing buddies, we was brothers. I worked with Albert for more than forty years, and I have never known a better man.  He was honest and hard working, and me and him sweated through some mighty hot summers on the farm down in Nankipooh.  One night late, when Albert was coming home from his job as night watchman at the old spinning mill down in Columbus, he was run over by the train only a mile or so from his home.  He was only fifty seven years old.  I ain't got over it yet. One thing I learned from Albert, was how to tell a good man from a bad one, and how to trust a good man and call him your friend, when you do find one.  In this world we are living in today, it is getting harder to find good men, so you better hold on to any you do find.  It is even harder to find a good man among politicians, so if you do find one, you better send him up to DC.  Most of the time we have to choose between two bad ones, and send the better of the two up there, and hope they won't steal as much of our money as the other one would. "Now that's the way I see it, and you van tell'em I said so."       Bascomb Biggers

"On the Attack"

"On the Attack"

In Georgia we are experiencing a lot of outside influence by carpetbaggers and scalawags trying to influence the election of a new senator from Georgia.  It seems you can't turn the television on without seeing an ad sponsored by some PAC from outside of the state attacking one of the candidates.  As a matter of fact the only candidate I have not seen attacked so far, just happens to be the one with the most money.  Kinda makes you wonder doesn't it?

I, for one, do not like this style of politics, where a group from outside of the election area can spend a ton of money trying to dis-credit all of the candidates in order to elect the one who they may think best suits their National agenda.  The National agenda may not always be in the best interest of the local constituents.  It also seems that this movement is not confined to staying within party lines.  So just where does all of this money come from, and who is it serving? 

"Now that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"

Scoop Biggers

"Backbone not Jawbone"

The Nankipooh Enquirer "Covers the South like Sorghum Syrup"

P. O. Box 1849

Nankipooh, Georgia

Editor in Chief: Colonel Bascomb Biggers

Ace Reporter : Scoop Biggers

Backbone not Jawbone" Here in Georgia we have quite a race setting up for United States senator, with at least four Republicans and one Democrat campaigning for the seat.  Several attack ads have already appeared, most paid for by groups outside of the state with money, trying to influence our election.  In the race we have one multi-millionaire trying to buy some more power, one candidate with a well known name, and several professional politicians, but a statesman is yet to be seen. The problem with this election, like most we have witnessed over the past decade, is that it is mostly about "jawbone" and has little to do with "backbone".  The "backbone" of this state and this country, is made up of middle-class, hard-working, average people.  A great percentage of the wealth of this state, and this nation, is owned by these people in the form of residential real estate, savings accounts, and certificates of deposit.  During past elections, we have heard a lot of talk about the need to help "Main Street" instead of "Wall Street".  Thus far it has been mostly "jawbone" and very little "backbone". In the past five years, the country has gone from about nine trillion dollars in debt, to an ever-accelerating seventeen plus trillion dollar debt, with no end to the madness in sight.  At the same time, food prices, gasoline prices, insurance costs, and taxes have continued to soar.  Meanwhile Wall Street and the country's major financial institutions have continued to flourish, while "Main Street" faces a decrease in spending power for middle-class America, which has spiraled downward since the mid 1990's.  During all of this time the "jawboning" of politicians has been a constant background noise to cover the lack of "backbone" evidenced by them in solving any of the state and country's major problems. I urge all citizens and potential voters to pay attention to the real issues, and tune out the background noise of "jawboning", by professional politicians, and power seekers, while we search for leadership with "backbone".  The Health of the State of Georgia, and the United States of America, is more important at this juncture, than any other issue, including "Healthcare".

"Just my opinion"

Scoop Biggers BASCOMB BIGGERS FOR PRESIDENT PLATFORM PLANK #9-Make Fried Catfish the National Dinner

Bascomb for President Again !

The Nankipooh Enquirer 
"Covers the South like Sorghum Syrup"

This is an "oldie" sent out by Bascomb when he was running for President a few years back.

Ya'll might remember that Old Bascomb doesn't have any use for Professional Politicians or their parties.

He refers to the Republicans as "Skunks" and the Democrats as "Polecats", since they both stink.  The way things are looking Old Bascomb might need to dust off his hat, and throw it in the ring again for this next time.  After all, he can't be any worse than what we have now, and you know he always says, "I ain't never lied to you, except for maybe right now."

Scoop Biggers

"Field Hand"

Back when I was farming in a big way, I used to have a field hand working for me by the name of Joseph Barnes.  Now Joseph was a good worker on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, but he was pretty much no a count for the other days of the week. You see, old Joe liked to start his weekend on Thursday night, which made it hard to get to work on Friday or Saturday, and of course we don't work on the Lord's day, and then Monday it took all day to recover from the previous three days.  Old Joe liked to hit the jug pretty hard, and only drawin wages three days a week, he just couldn't seem to get ahead. Now just about every other week, Old Joe would come to me and say, "Boss Man, I ain't gonna have enough money for the rent and the groceries, so I was wonderin if you could let me have a little advance, so I can catch back up".  Well, after working for me for twenty years, Old Joe was so far in debt that he could work the rest of his life and never get out of debt, even if he was to work six days a week, which we both knowed he wasn't gonna do. By this time I knew that Joe's son Tom was gonna be just like his Daddy, and was already borrowin money from me too.  Well after awhile, havin these folks all owein me money, it started gettin hard for me to pay all of my bills, and finally I had to give up farmin all together, cause I just couldn't make enough money to pay the bills for all of us. Now we got some folks up there in Washington DC who are a lot like Old Joe, they figure that they can keep gettin money from the Boss Man, and that well ain't never gonna run dry, until one day they look up, and China owns the farm, and they ain't got a job no more.  You can't dig out of a hole, and you can't borrow your way out of debt! There is three things that are important to a professional politician.  First they got to get elected.  Second they got to get all the money they can from the taxpayers, and third they got to get re-elected.  Nothin else is really important to them.  Once you understand that, then you also know that they know how to spend, but they don't know how not to. "Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'um I said so!"  Bascomb Biggers BASCOMB BIGGERS FOR PRESIDENT PLATFORM PLANK #9-Make Fried Catfish the National Dinner

"Can I get some Credit?"

DATELINE February 20, 2014

"Can I get some Credit?"

By: Scoop Biggers

I was listening to one of Bascomb's stories the other day about the time when Old Billy Brown came into the Biggers Grocery down there in Nankipooph and asked for some credit to pay for his groceries.  Billy ran a small farm about three miles up the road near Fortson, and he and Bascomb had known each other for nearly forty years.  Billy had never been too good at farming, nor anything else for that matter.  He usually raised just enough cotton to stay only a year or two behind in his bills, which almost always got paid before they were three years old.

So Bascomb says, "Say Billy don't you already owe me for about six months worth of groceries?"  "Well that's true, says Billy, but I'm going to bring you half of that money next week." So Bascomb says, "Well lets see, if you pay me next week for three months worth of groceries, you will still owe me for three months plus this week, and I guess next week's too. So, when do you think you might be able to pay me for those three and a half months worth of groceries?" "Probably in a month or two", says Billy.

So Bascomb bagged up the groceries, and when Billy left, he wrote down the amount in his ledger under Billy's name.  After Billy had gone, Bascomb turned to Nate Dawson sitting over by the checker board, and said, "Old Billy hasn't been paid up on his bill since he had that bumper crop about twenty five years ago.  At this rate my grand children will be collecting money from his grand children.  That is, unless he has another bumper crop pretty soon.  Its a good thing that man ain't running the country, or we would all be in a heap of trouble!"

I guess Old Bascomb hasn't read the paper much lately, or he would know that the people running the country just raised the debt ceiling for the country up to more than seventeen trillion dollars. Now that's going to take some bumper crop, just to get us back to even!

"Just my opinion"

Scoop Biggers

"Fallin Skies"

DATELINE February 03, 2014:

"Fallin Skies"

By: Bascomb Biggers

I was readin about the big snow storm up in Atlanta the other day and I got quite a chuckle readin about how everybody was blamin the mayor and the governor for what a big mess they had.  Now, the mayor is a Polecat (Democrat) and the governor is a Skunk (Republican), and you know what Old Bascomb thinks about those two parties; "they both stink".  I got pretty tickled readin about all the finger pointin that was goin on, and it reminded me of a little mess we had down here in Nankipooh a while back.

A few years back, the Standing Boy Creek overflowed its banks durin a heavy downpour and washed away old Josh Green's chicken coop.  Now Josh was really upset cause he lost three of his prize layin hens, and he thought the mayor of Nankipooh ought to buy him some new chickens, since nobody in the government came by and told old Josh that the creek might flood during a heavy rain.  How was he to know, just because the creek floods every time it rains hard.  After all the mayor and the government are supposed make sure that bad things don’t happen to us.

In a related story, Chicken Little called the Enquirer to let us know that the sky was fallin, but we decided not to print the story, since it is the governor's responsibility to let folks know about things like that, in order to make sure that folks don’t get caught outside lookin up just as the sky starts to fall.

Of course, you know that Old Bascomb don't think much of big government, and I shore don't  like the Skunks and the Polecats much either.  But it seems to me that the government has got its hands full runnin things and doin what they are supposed to be doin, without havin to be in charge of the weather too.  Back when I was farmin, I didn't need for the governor to come by and tell me to cover up my strawberries every time we had a frost comin.  Farmers know that when it comes to the weather, you got to pay attention, and look out for yourself.  If more folks would look out for themselves instead of expectin the government to do everything for them, the country might be a little better off.

"Now that's the way I see it and you can tell'em I said so."

Bascomb Biggers

MAKE "REAL VALUE" THE NATIONAL OBJECTIVE !