"Vacation"

DATELINE August 15, 2013:

"Vacation""

By: Scoop Biggers

Hey Honey, pack the bags, we are headed off for our vacation.  I am mighty tired after fixing all the problems around here in Nankipooh, so me and the little lady are going to take a little time off, and head up to Mulberry Grove, to Camp Biggers, for some well deserved R&R!  If its good enough for the President, then its good enough for me.  He is up at Camp David getting a rest from all of his problem solving, and good for him.

Lets see now, what's the tally sheet on all of the problems he has fixed since his last vacation.  Well there is the healthcare program, that's been put on hold.  Of course there is a little un-rest in Egypt, but not many are being killed so far.  Then there is that bad guy in Syria who unleashed chemical weapons on the population and killed about a hundred thousand, but we gave the rebels some rifles, so they will be all right

Most of the fires over government scandals have been covered up to the point where they are only smoldering, so that will be OK.  There are those pesky folks in Korea, but they haven't fired off a missile in several weeks now, and those Arab Terrorists scared us a little last week with some threats, but they are on the run, so no worries there.  The economy is rocking along with only ten or fifteen million unemployed, and we did knock about 10% off of the amount of increase to our sixteen trillion in debt.

Of course that sore-head in Russia is still mad at us, but who needs them anyway?  Besides, cancelling that meeting gives your old Prerz a little more time for vacation anyway, and its good to relax in the hammock with a cold lemonade, and count up all that is right in the world!

"Just my opinion"

Scoop Biggers

MAKE FRIED CATFISH THE NATIONAL DINNER! 

"Inshoreance"

DATELINE July 31, 2013:

"Inshoreance""

By: Scoop Biggers

You know, if you hang out around the stump when the professional politicians are plying their trade, you can gather up a bushel basket of lies to be enjoyed at a later time.  The only thing is, when the chickens come home to roost, those professional liars ain't nowhere to be found.  Take for instance, all of the whoppers told while they were ramming the President's healthcare boondoggle down our throats.  I was just reading about it the other day, and found this piece about what Georgia's Insurance Commissioner had to say.

Cumminghome.com news release:

"Insurance Commissioner Ralph Hudgens announced today that he has requested an emergency delay of the filing deadline for Obamacare rates from U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, and for her to show reasons why the rates submitted by Georgia health insurers are not justified by Obamacare.

“President Obama promised Americans that Obamacare would lower rates, but here in Georgia insurance companies are demanding massive rate increases up to 198 percent for some individuals” Commissioner Hudgens said.

“I was always skeptical of Obamacare”, Hudgens said. “But I never imagined that it would lead to rates being doubled or tripled."

Now, I do admit that I like to see the fox squirm when he gets caught in the henhouse, but friends, this is a little too serious to laugh about.  Middle-class America is already being slammed from every direction, from the Federal Reserve down to the County Commission, and we need some relief!  You can't afford to be sick in America today unless you are very rich or very poor, and if we have to pay for this new "Inshoreance", we will soon all be very poor!  That is of course, except for the very rich and the politicians.

"Just my opinion"

Scoop Biggers

"The Head Polecat"

DATELINE June 02, 2013:

"The Head Polecat"

By: Bascomb Biggers

The best thing you can say about the Polecat sitting in the White House, is that he makes some of them Polecats and Skunks that come before him, look a whole lot better than they did way back then, and that includes the Peanut Farmer from Georgia!

"Now that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers

MAKE FRIED CATFISH THE NATIONAL DINNER!

"The New Deal"

DATELINE May 21, 2013:

"The New Deal"

By: Bascomb Biggers

I been enjoyin readin the news lately, course, I always enjoy watchin a politician squirm when he gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar, so to speak. With news of the Infernal Revenue Service gettin after people cause of their politics, and the government spyin on the news folks, and DC not lookin out for the folks that work for them in bad parts of the world, and then the head man's youngins bein paid as "Senior Staffers" to go on vacation, you might say that we are in for a long hot summer.
 

Like I always said, I like watchin a pig squeal, and when it comes to Skunks and Polecats, I do enjoy watchin them squirm when they get a bit nervous. This guy runnin things these days is so full of himself and hot air, that if he was a balloon, he would have floated off to the Moon by now. He started out offerin a "new deal", somethin that was supposed to be full of hope and change, but it turned out to be the same old deal, just a bunch of hot air and pig slopps.
 

A few decades back, when they caught the Head Liar spyin on folks at a big DC hotel, they named the scandel after the name of the hotel. I wonder what they will call this new fella's mess? Coiurse, it don't matter much to old Bascomb, I always told you that all politicians are liars, and you can tell when they are lyin, cause it happens as soon as they open their mouth. It does look like we are in for a long hot summer though, but at least there is goin to be lots of free entertainment! I guess we better warm up the presses over at The Nankipooh Enquirer, ain't no tellin what's comin next!
 

"Now that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"
 

Bascomb Biggers

"Done Throwed a Shoe"

The Nankipooh Enquirer "Covers the South like Sorghum Syrup"
P. O. Box 1849
Nankipooh, Georgia
Editor in Chief: Colonel Bascomb Biggers
Ace Reporter : Scoop Biggers
bascombbiggers@bellsouth.net


DATELINE March 25, 2013:
"Done Throwed a Shoe"
By: Bascomb Biggers

I might have told ya'll before that Thursday was always horse shoe pitchin day at the Biggers Grocery down there in Nankipooh, and I was thinkin the other day about one Thursday when the County Commissioner showed up to pitch with us. Now we was all a little surprised since it wasn't even election time, so we weren't used to seein him when he wasn't politicin. Usually he'd show up a few weeks before the election to pitch, or if it was rainin, to play some checkers, and make sure he could count on the Nankipooh vote.

This Thursday he was as happy as a pig in slop, and he soon let us know why. "I done throwed a shoe with the Governor the other day, he says, and I thought I'd come over here today to show you boys a couple of things that I learned from him." Well now we knew why he was here, he had just dropped by Nankipooh to brag a little. Of course we all knew the Governor too, since whenever he came down to Columbus from Atlanta, the train would always let him off in Nankipooh.

You see the way it worked was that the Governor would get off the train at Nankipooh where they had a wagon and a team of mules waitin for him. He would drive the wagon the last five miles down to Columbus, and all of the folks along the way would think he had driven that wagon and them mules all the way down from Atlanta, him bein a common workin man and all.

It made quite a sight too, with him in his overalls and bright red suspendors, and a few drops of sweat drippin off his brow. You see folks, the Governor, and my Grandpa Biggers, both knew that when it comes to politics, it aint what it is, its what people thinks it is. Come to think of it, we had a President a few years back that said just about the same thing. I believe he put it like this; "it depends on what your definition of "is", is."

Now I'm going to tell you the plain truth, when it comes to politics, and some others things as well, things ain't always what they seem to be, so you had better keep your eyes open, and only trust them part of the time. Course, you can always trust Old Bascomb, I ain't never lied to you, except for maybe right now.

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell-em I said so!""

Bascomb Biggers

"Law and Order"

DATELINE March 11, 2013:
"Law and Order"

I have been thinking quite a bit of late about all of the press the various local sheriff's department have been getting, and that applies whether you are talking about Nankipooh, or up near the Nantahala. It seems that during hard times ,citizens are more concerned than ever about "law and order".

It reminds me of my own experience in law enforcement. I was a member of the School Safety Patrol back when I was in the sixth grade at Nankipooh Elementary School. As we called it back then, I was a Patrol Boy, in charge of the biggest street crossing in front of the school, which was the Fortson Road, a Muscogee County main thoroughfare headed north out of Columbus on its way past Nankipooh toward Fortson, Georgia.

One day when I was "on patrol", two boys crossed the road north of my crossing, where there was no cross-walk, which was strictly against the rules. I raced up to them, and after a brief struggle, I was able to "collar" them and haul them back to the school. There I brought them before the Vice Principal, "Old Lady" Powell, who was also the sixth grade teacher, but was in charge since the principal had gone home for the day. After learning that I had used un-due force in apprehending the two suspects, she released them and took my Patrol Boy's badge from me.

The next day I was arraigned before Nellie Smith the School Principal. Nellie told me that she was going to return my badge, but that I had been up for promotion to sergeant, and under the circumstances, and also to appease "Old Lady" Powell, the promotion would be given to someone else.

Now when she heard that my badge had been returned, "Old Lady" Powell was outraged, and declared that as extra punishment, I would not be allowed to appear on the local TV station the following week, where our sixth grade class was scheduled to preform a demonstration of square dancing. Now this was quite a blow to me, since the class had been rehearsing for this big event for more than six months. After that, my career in law enforcement was never the same. I was bitter because everyone in the sixth grade was on TV except me, and I never made officer in the Safety Patrol either. Who knows, if I had made sergeant in the sixth grade, I might have been promoted to lieutenant, or maybe even captain in the seventh grade.

Now I am reminded of this story because I realize how hard it is to enforce the law, and stay within the boundaries which maintain the safety of the citizens, and also insure the peace. However, I remind those in law enforcement of their responsibility to do their job according to the law, and also in the best interest of the citizens. After all, you never know when "Old Lady" Powell might be watching, and come for your badge. She was called "Old Lady" Powell because she was the meanest teacher in Muscogee County. But who knows, she might also have been the best teacher in the county.


"Just my opinion"

Scoop Biggers

"Supper on the Grounds"

DATELINE February 05, 2013:

"Supper on the Grounds"
By: Bascimb Biggers

When I was a kid growin up in Nankipooh, one of my most favorote times was when we had supper on the grounds at the old Methodist Church. Now this was just a little church out in the country that a few farm families had got together and built, and includin the children there probably wern't more than about fifty or sixty members. About four times a year we had supper on the grounds, and all of the women brought a covered dish or two and we had a big old-fashioned supper for everybody.

The men set up tables out in the yard next to the church, and then the women went to pilin them high with the best of their cookin, while us kids just about went crazy waitin around for a chance to get at it. There was fresh tomaotes, pole beans, yaller squash, okra, mashed potatoes and gravey, turnip greens, black-eyed peas, deviled eggs, bisquits, cornbread, hoecakes, and for desert there was pies and cakes and banana puddin. And of course there was lots of fried chicken!

Now I never met a farm woman who didn't know how to cook great fried chicken, and these suppers always became a contest to see whose fried chiclen disapeared the fastest. Us kids helped quite a bit at gettin that chicken gone, as soon as we got our chance. In those days when I was ten or twelve years old, I could eat a lot of fried chicken. One year I ate a dozen drumsticks, and a couple of wings, and still had room for a few pieces of pie.

Now one thing about a small church is that although everyone cares for each other, there is always a couple of families that want to run things, and tell everybody else what to do. At our church it was the Johnstons and the Halls. They was always competing with each other and arguin about how everything was supposed to be, so it carried over to the supper on the grounds as well. Both Mrs. Hall and Mrs. Johnston always brought a big platter of fried chicken, and went about encourgin everbody to have some of their's. They both made good fried chicken, but of course I didn't think neither one was as good as my Grandma's, but it didn't stop me from eatin plenty of theirs also.

One year these two ladies got to arguin so much about their chicken, that they both got mad and packed up their stuff and went home, and all of the chicken wasn't eat up yet. Now this left me and some of the other kids without quite as much chicken as we was plannin to eat, and Mrs. Smith's old dried up fried pork chops just didn't take up the slack. Some us went home a little more hungry than usual that year, and I ain't never forgot that day, since I figured that I was somehow cheated out of my share of fried chicken.

When I sit around and watch how much the Skunks and Polecats up in DC keep arguin about who is gonna run the show, and who's got the best ideas for the country, I keep thinkin about Mrs. Hall and Mrs. Johnston. If they would just shut their yaps and get down to servin up the fried chicken, we would all be a lot better off.

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell-em I said so!""
Bascomb Biggers