"Retirement"

DATELINE: 7/25/2011
RE: "Retirement"


I was sittin down at the Nankipooh General Store the other day playin checkers with my cousin Pete on one of those plus ninety degree Nankipooh summer days, when in comes my cousin Jimmy lookin just about whipped. Old Jimmy picked up a mason jar of sweet tea and downed it in just about one gulp. "What's up Jimmy?", I says. "My old mule Jenny just dropped dead in the traces while I was plowin out back of the house", he says. I guess it was time for her to "retire" he says.

Now that started me thinkin about retirement, which ain't that far off for old Bascomb. Of course that little dab of money I got saved up for retirement ain't much, and these days its worth less than it was, what with the Skunks and the Polecats spendin money they ain't got, and printin more to cover for it. The bank pays me less for my savins account than the rate of inflation, and yet the DC politicians keep givin the banks more money, and they keep gettin richer and richer. If they ain't got enough, the big Federal bank will loan them more at no interest. Lets see you borrow money and pay no interest!

They say there is more than one way to skin a cat, and I reckon that the Shunks and the Polecats got all the ways figured out, when it comes to the big guys gettin richer and the little guys gettin poorer. All they got to do is keep some of the folk's heads above water, so they can keep squeezin enough money out of them to keep themselves and the fat cats rollin. Of course sooner or later, you can't squeeze no more out of that turnip, but they can't see that far down the road. They just want to keep runnin up the debt till everything comes fallin down.

Now I ain't tryin to make you feel low, it just seems that old Bascomb and a lot of others ain't goin to find retirement till we fall dead behind the plow, just like old Jenny.  The only thing I know to do is keep throwin the Skunks and Polecats out of office, till we get a batch that will stop spendin money they ain't got!

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"
Bascomb Biggers

"100 Years Ago"

DATELINE: 7/18/2011
RE: "100 Years Ago"


In 1911 things was real different from what they are now, but a lotta things was pretty much the same. For instance, if you look at a couple of headlines from 1911, you see that folks was fightin over Libya just like they are today. Also in 1911 the U.S. Government was tryin to take some of the power away from the big oil companies, which they claim to have been doin for the last 100 years. Of course things got a lot better when Jimmy Carter was President about 35 years ago, and created the U. S. Department of Energy to study on how to reduce American dependence on foreign oil. That really worked!

Here is those Headlines.

1911 Tripolitan War -(9/28/11) The Italians declared war on Turkey in September. The Italians were interested in annexing Libya, the only available land in North Africa. All of the European powers opposed the action, but none were sufficiently motivated to take any action. The Italians expected the war to be brief, but it took them over a year to achieve victory against stiff opposition.

1911 Standard Oil Broken-(5/15/11) In the largest and most viable anti-trust case in American history to date, the Standard Oil Company of New Jersey was ordered to divest itself of its 37 interlocking firms. An appeal to the Supreme Court was turned down.

There you go, history keeps repeatin itself, and the DC politicians still say they are workin hard to make things better for us! What I don't understand is how so many of the voters keep gettin fooled over and over by the same old lies. It don't matter who is tellin the lies neither. It could have been the Whigs or the Tories, the Grangers or the Bull Moose, the Republicans or the Democrats, or the Skunks or the Polecats, its all the same manure, just a different spreader.

When the American Voter realizes that a politician's only fear is losin his office, then maybe we can start to get somewhere. That's why you need to vote for Bascomb Biggers. Why not? You been swallowin all that horse manure for more than 100 years, and the only thing that has changed, is that things keep gittin worse. Course, we could keep on waitin until there ain't no money left, and then the Skunks and the Polecats wouldn't want their jobs no more.

I don't promise nothin, except to try to help myself to an honest paycheck, for an honest day's wage, and look out for you where ever I can. Don't forget, I ain't never lied to you, except maybe, for right now.

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers

"Summer Politics"

DATELINE: 7/07/2011
RE: "Summer Politics"


It sure is hot down here in Nankipooh, what with the thermometer being ninety and above for about two months now. That and all the hot air being put out by all these politicians lying about what they are gonna do if you was to elect them. Of course the Republicans (Skunks) and the Democrats (Polecats) is raisin a big ruckus over the Presidential Election even though its more than a year and a half off. Its done got so hot down here with all this goin on, that the chickens are fryin their own eggs, and the bacon is sizzlin on the back of the hogs down by the trough!

Now of course the mayor of Nankipooh ain't runnin cause he got elected last year, but he sure is tryin to let on about how he ain't got nothin to do with the Polecat up in the big office up in DC. The local county commissioner is runnin this year though, you can always tell because he came by my Grandpa's store and asked Grandpa if he wanted a work gang to come by and grade the driveway. This happens every other year about six months before the election.

Now I hate to toot my own horn, but don't forget that old Bascomb has his hat in the ring for the big election a year and a half from now. The Polecats are stuck with a loser, and they know it too. Their only chance is to cloud up the air so much that you won't notice how sorry they are. Now the Skunks ain't got much to offer neither. They got about two dozen candidates, of which none of them got much support other than to get the Polecat out of office. About the best they can say is they won't raise taxes, and you know politicians always lie about that.

Meanwhile the economy is sinkin faster that Mama's Angel Food Cake in the stove, after cousin Al slammed the door last night when he come in with some fresh strawberries he had just picked. The number of folks out of work is still bigger than Grandma's bustle, and if you want a good job, you have to move to South Dakota and work for the government.

Now a vote for Bascomb Biggers won't change much of that, but it sure would make me feel better. I ain't had a good payin job in quite a spell, and you know that I will be honest with you, since I ain't never lied to you, except, of course, for right now. I do promise to do something about this heat though. I promise to turn off the Global Warming as soon as I am elected. It ought to be a little cooler in November anyway.

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'em I said so!"


Bascomb Biggers

"Hoote"

DATELINE: 6/27/2011
RE: "Hoote"


When I was about ten years old, my best friend was Primo, my five year old English Setter. We were pals and went everywhere together, but when I started fifth grade Primo would disappear from the house most every day while I was at school. One Saturday I decided I would follow him and find out where he was goin, so I hid from him for a little while, and when he thought I wasn't around, he took off through the woods. After about a mile, the trail he was on came out into a pasture in the back of an old ramshackle farm house with an old barn. Neither one had been painted in decades.

As I came up on the house, an old woman came out of the house with a female dog, and I saw the reason for Primo's visits. The old lady said her name was Hoote (now I ain't never seen a name like this before or since, but it sounds like Foot, only with an H), and Primo had been coming to visit her, and her dog Sally for several months, and she was glad to find out where he was from. She then told me that she was the second cousin of my Grandpa, and that made her my cousin too.

Now Hoote was one of the strangest people I had ever met. She had her dog, two milk cows, a mess of chickens, and more than twenty cats, but she didn't get along with people very well. The farm house looked as old as Hoote, and when we went inside for a glass of iced tea, I could hear the cats runnin around in between the walls of the house. Hoote did not have any mice in her house.

I spent most of that summer visitin Hoote and her family of animals. Hoote sold milk, butter, and eggs to folks in town, to get money for the store, and to pay her taxes. That summer I killed my first rabbit with Hoote's old shotgun. She also taught me to milk cows, and how to churn butter. She was my best friend that summer, and we spent a lot of time walkin through the woods with our dogs, and that old shotgun.

The next year I started playin baseball in the summer and I did not see as much of Hoote as I had, although Primo still kept goin over to see Hoote and Sally. My Grandpa sort of liked it better that way, as he thought Cousin Hoote was kinda crazy, livin by herself that way, with all those cats runnin around in the walls of that old house.

When I turned fifteen Hoote died, and left all of her money to the Methodist church. It was more that a million dollars.

I learned then, that people ain't always what they seem to be. Some are better than others, and some are worse than you think, and some have more, or less money than you think they do. Hoote did not like, nor trust politicians, and I learned to feel the same way. I still don't trust those rascals, especially the ones up in DC!   But, I did learn that you can trust somebody who works hard to take care of themselves, and don't brag too much about who they are, or what they got.

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'um I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers

"Turtle Soup"

DATELINE: 6/09/2011
RE: "Turtle Soup"


One Sunday we was all sittin around the dinner table, and Grandma Biggers was bringin out some homemade heaven from the kitchen. There was fried chicken and mashed potatoes, and collard greens, and black-eyed peas with ham hocks, freshed sliced tomatoes, and cat's paw biscuits. The last thing she brought out was a big old tureen of homemade soup, which she served to Grandpa first. We was all lappin it down and thought it was really great, when Grandpa said, Hon, bring me another bowl of that chicken soup."

Well Grandma knew that Grandpa would never eat any turtle no matter how it was fixed, and she knew that this was not chicken soup, but turtle soup. So she looked him right in the eye, and said, "Hon, this ain't chicken soup, its turtle soup, and I see that you liked it." Well the dinin room got real quite, and then Grandpa stood up and said, "Woman I told you never to cook turtle for me!" And with that he walked over and picked up that tureen, which had come from Grandma's mother, Great Grandma Pease, and he carried it to the open window and heaved that turtle soup, tureen and all, right out into the yard.  We never had any turtle to eat in our house ever again, and no one ever mentioned turtle soup or Great Grandma's soup tureen ever again either.

Now I learned a few things from that which I still think about today. First, no matter how much someone likes somethin, it might not make any difference, if it ain't what they think it is. Second, if someone you care about asks you not to do somethin, and you do it anyway, you might lose somethin precious. And third, I still ain't never eat any turtle in my whole life ever again, and I don't think I"m any worse off for it!

Some of them folks up in DC might just think a little bit, before they start offerin up somethin which ain't what you think it is. So watch out for some Skunk or Polecat tryin to get you to eat turtle, when they want you to think its chicken!

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'um I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers

"The Colonel and the Grey Ghost"

DATELINE: 5/09/2011
"The Colonel and the Grey Ghost"
I was sittin out on the back porch with my dog Buddyroe, watchin the squirrels chase one another as they always do in the spring, when I noticed a brand new crop of wrens flittin around in the bushes by the back fence. You can sure tell its spring, when all of the critters start producing their young. It reminded me of the spring of 1861 right before all Hell broke loose, and the country became engulfed by the violence of the Civil War.

Spring always seems so peaceful with new life bustin out all around, just like back in 1861. There were clouds of war, but you know how folks are, they never really expect something bad to happen until it does. Well that time was a true test of this country, just like times today seem to be. It does seem that when times get tough, someone always appears to lead us with strength. One of my favorites during the Civil War era was a man known as "The Grey Ghost".

The Grey Ghost (from Mosby biography)

"John S. Mosby was a successful attorney, and with the outbreak of the Civil War he enlisted in the 1st Virginia Cavalry. He quickly moved up through the ranks, and eventually raised his own partisan unit. At first a battalion, his prowess and charisma allowed him to recruit it up to a regiment. The regiment became known as the famed "Mosby Raiders".

John Mosby was a key innovator in the tactics of Guerilla warfare. By 1863 his exploits were becoming legendary in the South, and viewed as a less than honorable way to fight by the North. Regardless of perspective he devised a new way of fighting by which a small agile force could harass and defeat a much larger force. In lightning fast raids, his raiders would move in and cut telegraph lines, ambush couriers or small parties, start fires, harass rail transport, and then disappear into the night. His quickness and stealth led to his now famous nickname, "The Grey Ghost".

Mosby’s exploits included a daring raid far inside Union lines at the Fairfax County courthouse in 1863, where his raiders captured some key Union officers, including General Stoughton, whom Mosby found in bed, waking him with a slap to his rear. Upon being so roused, the general exclaimed, "Do you know who I am?" Mosby quickly replied, "Do you know Mosby, general?" "Yes! Have you got the rascal?" "No but he has got you!"

Now inventin new ways to fight has always been the American way, and we are good at it too. Just ask the Redcoats how they felt back in 1776 when they stood in a straight line while we blasted at them from behind rocks and trees! The same is true today, Americans don't sit down and quit, they find new ways to fight. Me and Buddyroe are sittin out here on the back porch, waitin to see who is gonna come along and show us the way, like the Grey Ghost did back in 1861. Of course we don't hold nothin against John Mosby just because he was a lawyer. It just goes to show that some of them are good for something other than suing folks and writin crazy laws!

"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'um I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers

"The Catfish Hole"

DATELINE: 4/30/2011
"The Catfish Hole"


One day I was down at my catfish hole tryin to catch me some supper, and while I was fishin, I was dreamin up what I was havin for my supper. Fried catfish, fresh pole beans cooked with side-meat, sliced home grown tomatoes, grits and hoecakes. (Now some of you already know how I feel about hoecakes) I was fishin for supper, which is our evening meal, since we have our dinner at noon time.

Well this catfish hole had been in the Biggers family for several generations, and we took good care of it too. The hole was up against the deep side of the river bank where there is a big bend in the stream, with lots of tree roots stickin out in the water. Once a week we would go down to this catfish hole and toss in some cotton seed cakes and the water would just churn up with all those catfish gettin a free meal. This meant that just about any time we wanted some catfish for supper, all we had to do was wet a hook, cause there was always plenty of them around.

As I was waitin for one of those big cats to come up and suck up the chicken liver baited on my hook, I remembered the time my daddy caught one of those town folk down there at our hole, catchin our catfish. It was old Leroy Stubbs who had never had a job for more than three days, since about all he could hold onto was that old mason jug he had got from his daddy. When he saw Leroy, my daddy fetched him a lick upside his head with and old sweet gum branch. Leroy give out a holler, and said "what are you hittin me for, I was only fishin!"

Now Leroy knew this was our hole, and that we spent a lot of time, and a little money fattenin up those catfish for our skillet, but he saw the chance to take advantage of our work to fattenin up his own belly. This was not the first time we had ever caught someone goin after our catfish, and of course me and daddy knew it would not be the last either.

You know it seems that no matter how hard you work, there is always somebody, who does not want to work for what they get , but they want to live just as good as those who do work for what's theirs. The good old USA has got a lot of those folks, and you had better believe they vote for the "Skunks" and "Polecats" up in DC who are willin to give them some of your catfish, and maybe some of your silver dollars too!


"Now, that's the way I see it, and you can tell'um I said so!"

Bascomb Biggers