Party Lines

DATELINE: NOVEMBER 24, 2010:
Party Lines

Do you remember party lines? No I ain't talkin about the Skunks or the Polecats parties, I am talkin about when you had to share your telephone line with two or three other families. That was back in the day when most folks lived out in the country and there weren't enough phone lines to go around, so folks had to share. Our first telephone in Nankipooh was shared with the Smiths, Cartlidges, and Rogers families, and you knew whose phone was ringin by the number of rings. The Biggers phone was three rings, and the Rogers was four, Smiths two, and the Cartlidges was one.

You had to listen pretty close to hear the number of rings so you didn't answer somebody else's phone, and you couldn't make a call going out if somebody was already on the line. Of course, there were those who listened in on other folk's calls, and since everybody knew each other there was very little secrets kept. As a matter of fact I believe that Grandma Biggers invented the first "Conference Call", since she and Aunt Helen Rogers, and Mrs. Evelyn Smith, and Mrs. Dora Cartlidge used to all get on the phone together every Wednesday at 2pm to discuss the grocery shopping for the next Thursday.

In those days every village was a family, and folks looked out for each other, and knew a lot about one another. Maybe this world would be a lot better off if we thought of each other as a village, instead of a metropolitan area! After all, they say the world keeps gettin smaller and smaller, and if we are all going to get along, we are going to have to spend a little time in each other's shoes.

Now that's the way I see it, and you can tell-em I said so!

Bascomb Biggers
November 24, 2010

Politicians

DATELINE November 16, 2010:
Politicians

Things have been kinda quiet down here in Nankipooh ever since the big election for mayor of Nankipooh between the "Skunks" and the "Polecats". Why its so quiet, that on a still night you can hear the rust growin on those campaign promises. When we was talking the other day, my cousin Elmo asked why I called the two parties the "Skunks" and the "Polecats" I told him that they wasn't much different, they both just want to get elected and then take our money and use it to get re-elected. And, besides, they both stink!

Now I ain't saying that they are all bad, just most of them! Now if you don't like callin them skunks and polecats, I looked up some other words you might use in my friend Mr. Webster's big book, that might describe them better for you.

carpetbagger:
n.- any of the Northern politicians or adventurers who went South to take advantage of unsettled conditions after the Civil War: contemptuous term with reference to the luggage they used in traveling light, any politician, promoter, from the outside whose influence is resented

scalawag: 
n.- a scamp; rascal, a Southern white who supported the Republicans during the Reconstruction: an opprobrious term used by Southern Democrats

scoundrel: 
n.- a disparaging dim. mean, immoral, or wicked person; rascal, rogue; scamp, low; dishonest; base

Skunks, Polecats, carpetbaggers, scalawags, and scoundrels, they are all about the same!.


Now that's the way I see it, and you can tell-em I said so!

Bascomb Biggers
11-16-2010

The Great Recession

DATELINE November 10, 2010:
The Great Recession

A very wise man once said history repeats itself, and we are doomed to be its servant. We are in the middle of Hard Times, but this is not the first time and probably won't be the last. Some are calling this "The Great Recession"
The last time it was:
The Great Depression

"After nearly a decade of optimism and prosperity, the United States was thrown into despair on Black Tuesday, October 29, 1929, the day the stock market crashed and the official beginning of the Great Depression."

When I was a young man, my daddy had a man who helped work our land as a "Share-Cropper", which meant that we paid for the seed and provided the land, while he did the work, and then we divided the money from the sale of the crop on a fifty-fifty split. At the time this seemed like a good idea. Over a period of time Old Samuel was supposed to save enough of his money to buy the land from Daddy. The problem was that Old Samuel liked a taste of the jug, and laying in the bed with his wife, and it turned out that after ten years, he had seven kids and no money. In fact he was borrowing against next year's crop from my daddy to keep the kids fed and a little squeezins in the jug.

Now it seems to me that now that we are in these hard times, its time to get out of bed and lay down the jug and start plowing. Just like Old Samuel, most of us can't afford seven kids and laying up in bed with mama and the jug. We got some folks up in the DC area who have been sippin on the jug and borrowing against next year's crop for quite some time now, and its time to pay up!

It really don't matter whether you call it The Great Depression or The Great Recession, the fact is, the stock market is still in trouble along with the rest of us, and the only thing that is worth anything is hard money and hard work! Its time for those "stump-talkers" to get off the jug and get to work. And, you can tell-em I said so!

Bascomb Biggers
11-10-2010

Prime the Pump

DATELINE: November 4, 2010:
Prime the Pump

The system is broken, and the public don't trust the politicians no more, so how do we fix it?
The following quote taken from the day after the 2010 election, pretty well sums things up.

"Tuesday's votes were largely a referendum against Washington and the politics of the status quo. While the GOP benefited from widespread disillusion, voters remain just as unhappy with Republicans as they are with Democrats, telling exit-poll interviewers that they view both parties with almost equal disgust." - (skunks and polecats - BB)

Well I know how to fix a broken plow, and I know how to prime the pump when the water stops flowing, but fixing a broken economy, well that's another thing all together.
Or is it? Maybe all we need to do is prime the pump! For close to two years the Great National Bank has been giving all of the banks in the country money on loan for no interest.
This means those banks don't have to give you any money for your savings or retirement, that they hold in their bank. Which means your little peanut crop ain't growing, since it ain't getting no water. Meanwhile the bank's big soy bean plantation is getting plenty of water for free, and growing faster than kudzu.

So the water ain't flowing into your account no more, and your little peanut crop is getting smaller instead of bigger. Seems like all we got to do is prime the pump! Let the Great National Bank start charging the banks for water and maybe they will start paying you to use your water, and your little peanut crop can start to grow again!
If you don't understand how this works, then I have a homework assignment for you.
This holiday season take time to watch "It's a Wonderful Life". It pretty well explains the whole thing. Funny how they understood all of this more than fifty years ago!
(Maybe you should let your new Congressman in on this!)

Bascomb Biggers
11-04-2010

The Write In Ballot

DATELINE October 29, 2010:
The Write-In Ballot

Is it just me or is our country up to its collective neck in quick sand? It has got to the point where it seems the voters can't tell the difference between a skunk and a polecat. I've done swallowed so many lies during this election that I can't even say "Howdy do" and make it seem like the truth. I tell you it makes me feel more like I do now than I did a little while ago. But my old daddy used to say that even a blind hawg finds an acorn every now and then, and it's about time for this old hawg to root one out!

By that I mean it's time to throw all those skunks and polecats out of office. I mean every last one of them! I intend to vote against every incumbent from now on until they all get so scared that they do what the people want for fear of losing their jobs, which is all they care about. If I can't find someone decent to vote for on the ballot, then I will write one in, and speaking of writing one in, there is not a better time to write in Bascomb Biggers anywhere on the ballot where you don't like the choice.
Bascomb Biggers
October 29, 2110

The Nankipooh Mayor's Race

DATELINE: October 14, 2010

"The Nankipooh Mayor's Race"

We got ourselves quite a horse race down here in Nankipooh, watching these two scalawags try to out lie one another in order to be elected mayor of Nankipooh. On one hand you got the Democrat Ray Brown, a former mayor, and on the other hand you got old Nate Done, a former county commissioner running for the Republicans. Now both of these old boys are what we call professional politicians and they have been messing up Nankipooh and the county for decades now. So you might say we ain't got much of a choice for the next mayor of Nankipooh.

They both run ads on the TV that look like mirror images of each other. For instance they both got an ad showing two old farmers settin on the steps of the general store drinking cokes and playin checkers. While they play they are bad-mouthing the other candidate, and laughing at him.

One of these fools has a TV ad which says that everbody is laughing at Nankipooh, and the other one has an ad sayin his opponent has nothing to say, except apologize for when he was the mayor before. Neither one really wants to do anything for Nankipooh, they both just want to get elected so they can keep feedin at the public trough.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of these nere-do-wells lying to me to get my vote.
I'm also tired of these old boys tellin me how bad the other is, so you won't see how bad he is. My Daddy said you could always tell when a politician is lying, because it starts when they open their mouth.

You can always vote for me, Bascomb Biggers, I don't want much, but I sure would like a steady income in these hard times. Besides, there is one thing you know about me for sure..."I ain't no liar, and I ain't never lied to you, except for maybe, right now."

Bascomb Biggers
10-14-2010

"Let's Make a Deal" vs. "The Barnestormer"

 

DATELINE AUGUST 16, 2010:
"Let's Make a Deal" vs. "The Barnestormer"

What's in a name? I'll tell you names are common, but people ain't! Watching two old political hacks try to re-invent themselves for the voters, is about as funny as watching a fox trying to unlatch the door to the chicken house. And when you elect a professional politician to office, it's about the same as letting the fox guard the chicken house for you. You know he can't be trusted but you don't know what else to do.

Now about one hundred years ago, we had a "common name" election here in Georgia for Governor, between a man named Brown, and a man named Smith. Now Mr. Joseph M. Brown was the son of Joseph E. Brown, who had been the Governor of Georgia during the Civil War, or as we like to call it, "The Great War for Southern Independence". Of course we won that war, since when it was over, all of the Yankees went home, which was not the case the last time the North invaded the South, since by then we had air-conditioning, and they all stayed.

Brown had won in 1908 against Hoke Smith with the slogan "Hoke and Hunger, Brown and Bread", and these two old boys did not like each other. It was during some pretty hard times, and it was easy for these two rascals to play the people off against each other. Well, Smith won by a narrow margin in 1910, but soon ran off to Washington to take the place of U.S. Senator Alexander Clay, who had died in office. So Brown won in 1912, as Governor of Georgia, and renewed the fight against his old enemy, Georgia Senator Smith.

So here we go again.  That was then, and this is now! Now it is an ex-Governor against an ex- Congressman, both of which are trying to convince the voters that they know how to get us out of this mess, even though they were both involved in getting us into this mess! Sound familiar?

You can always write my name in, Bascomb Biggers. I promise not to steal near as much from you as some of these other candidates!


Bascomb Biggers
08-16-2010