LITTLE FISH - BIG FISH

DATELINE DECEMBER 07, 2010:
Little Fish - Big Fish

I was fishin with my Grandpa one day at the old Blackmon pond, near Whitesville, and we was catchin some pretty nice shellcrackers, about the size of Granpa's hand. I was fishin with a cane pole baited with red worms, and for one of the few times in my young life, I was catchin more fish than Grandpa.

About this time I see my bobber go under, and I pull up a small bream that was hardly worth keepin. Well, as that little bream was flipping across the top of the water at the end of my cane pole, all of a sudden this huge bass jumps a foot out of the water and grabs that little bream in his mouth. Well he hit the water with that bream so fast and with such fury, that he snatched that cane pole right out of my hands and took out across the pond with it, and my Grandpa is still laughin!

Now right now down here in Nankipooh they are arguing about who they is gonna tax the most. The plantation owners or the sharecroppers. Well as we was listenin to them all talk about who was the best friend to us little folks, they was busy linein the pockets of the rich folks and themselves. Even the mayor got in on it, sidin with the Skunk Party, even though he is a member of the Polecat Party.

You see they had us so busy watchin that little bream, that we was not payin attention when that big old bass come along, and not only took our little bream, but took our cane pole too. What I am tryin to tell you is, that if you think a bunch of professional politicians are lookin out for us little folks, then you might as well hire a fox to guard your chicken house!

Now that's the way I see it, and you can tell-em I said so!

Bascomb Biggers
December 07, 2010

Party Lines

DATELINE: NOVEMBER 24, 2010:
Party Lines

Do you remember party lines? No I ain't talkin about the Skunks or the Polecats parties, I am talkin about when you had to share your telephone line with two or three other families. That was back in the day when most folks lived out in the country and there weren't enough phone lines to go around, so folks had to share. Our first telephone in Nankipooh was shared with the Smiths, Cartlidges, and Rogers families, and you knew whose phone was ringin by the number of rings. The Biggers phone was three rings, and the Rogers was four, Smiths two, and the Cartlidges was one.

You had to listen pretty close to hear the number of rings so you didn't answer somebody else's phone, and you couldn't make a call going out if somebody was already on the line. Of course, there were those who listened in on other folk's calls, and since everybody knew each other there was very little secrets kept. As a matter of fact I believe that Grandma Biggers invented the first "Conference Call", since she and Aunt Helen Rogers, and Mrs. Evelyn Smith, and Mrs. Dora Cartlidge used to all get on the phone together every Wednesday at 2pm to discuss the grocery shopping for the next Thursday.

In those days every village was a family, and folks looked out for each other, and knew a lot about one another. Maybe this world would be a lot better off if we thought of each other as a village, instead of a metropolitan area! After all, they say the world keeps gettin smaller and smaller, and if we are all going to get along, we are going to have to spend a little time in each other's shoes.

Now that's the way I see it, and you can tell-em I said so!

Bascomb Biggers
November 24, 2010

Politicians

DATELINE November 16, 2010:
Politicians

Things have been kinda quiet down here in Nankipooh ever since the big election for mayor of Nankipooh between the "Skunks" and the "Polecats". Why its so quiet, that on a still night you can hear the rust growin on those campaign promises. When we was talking the other day, my cousin Elmo asked why I called the two parties the "Skunks" and the "Polecats" I told him that they wasn't much different, they both just want to get elected and then take our money and use it to get re-elected. And, besides, they both stink!

Now I ain't saying that they are all bad, just most of them! Now if you don't like callin them skunks and polecats, I looked up some other words you might use in my friend Mr. Webster's big book, that might describe them better for you.

carpetbagger:
n.- any of the Northern politicians or adventurers who went South to take advantage of unsettled conditions after the Civil War: contemptuous term with reference to the luggage they used in traveling light, any politician, promoter, from the outside whose influence is resented

scalawag: 
n.- a scamp; rascal, a Southern white who supported the Republicans during the Reconstruction: an opprobrious term used by Southern Democrats

scoundrel: 
n.- a disparaging dim. mean, immoral, or wicked person; rascal, rogue; scamp, low; dishonest; base

Skunks, Polecats, carpetbaggers, scalawags, and scoundrels, they are all about the same!.


Now that's the way I see it, and you can tell-em I said so!

Bascomb Biggers
11-16-2010

The Great Recession

DATELINE November 10, 2010:
The Great Recession

A very wise man once said history repeats itself, and we are doomed to be its servant. We are in the middle of Hard Times, but this is not the first time and probably won't be the last. Some are calling this "The Great Recession"
The last time it was:
The Great Depression

"After nearly a decade of optimism and prosperity, the United States was thrown into despair on Black Tuesday, October 29, 1929, the day the stock market crashed and the official beginning of the Great Depression."

When I was a young man, my daddy had a man who helped work our land as a "Share-Cropper", which meant that we paid for the seed and provided the land, while he did the work, and then we divided the money from the sale of the crop on a fifty-fifty split. At the time this seemed like a good idea. Over a period of time Old Samuel was supposed to save enough of his money to buy the land from Daddy. The problem was that Old Samuel liked a taste of the jug, and laying in the bed with his wife, and it turned out that after ten years, he had seven kids and no money. In fact he was borrowing against next year's crop from my daddy to keep the kids fed and a little squeezins in the jug.

Now it seems to me that now that we are in these hard times, its time to get out of bed and lay down the jug and start plowing. Just like Old Samuel, most of us can't afford seven kids and laying up in bed with mama and the jug. We got some folks up in the DC area who have been sippin on the jug and borrowing against next year's crop for quite some time now, and its time to pay up!

It really don't matter whether you call it The Great Depression or The Great Recession, the fact is, the stock market is still in trouble along with the rest of us, and the only thing that is worth anything is hard money and hard work! Its time for those "stump-talkers" to get off the jug and get to work. And, you can tell-em I said so!

Bascomb Biggers
11-10-2010

Prime the Pump

DATELINE: November 4, 2010:
Prime the Pump

The system is broken, and the public don't trust the politicians no more, so how do we fix it?
The following quote taken from the day after the 2010 election, pretty well sums things up.

"Tuesday's votes were largely a referendum against Washington and the politics of the status quo. While the GOP benefited from widespread disillusion, voters remain just as unhappy with Republicans as they are with Democrats, telling exit-poll interviewers that they view both parties with almost equal disgust." - (skunks and polecats - BB)

Well I know how to fix a broken plow, and I know how to prime the pump when the water stops flowing, but fixing a broken economy, well that's another thing all together.
Or is it? Maybe all we need to do is prime the pump! For close to two years the Great National Bank has been giving all of the banks in the country money on loan for no interest.
This means those banks don't have to give you any money for your savings or retirement, that they hold in their bank. Which means your little peanut crop ain't growing, since it ain't getting no water. Meanwhile the bank's big soy bean plantation is getting plenty of water for free, and growing faster than kudzu.

So the water ain't flowing into your account no more, and your little peanut crop is getting smaller instead of bigger. Seems like all we got to do is prime the pump! Let the Great National Bank start charging the banks for water and maybe they will start paying you to use your water, and your little peanut crop can start to grow again!
If you don't understand how this works, then I have a homework assignment for you.
This holiday season take time to watch "It's a Wonderful Life". It pretty well explains the whole thing. Funny how they understood all of this more than fifty years ago!
(Maybe you should let your new Congressman in on this!)

Bascomb Biggers
11-04-2010

The Write In Ballot

DATELINE October 29, 2010:
The Write-In Ballot

Is it just me or is our country up to its collective neck in quick sand? It has got to the point where it seems the voters can't tell the difference between a skunk and a polecat. I've done swallowed so many lies during this election that I can't even say "Howdy do" and make it seem like the truth. I tell you it makes me feel more like I do now than I did a little while ago. But my old daddy used to say that even a blind hawg finds an acorn every now and then, and it's about time for this old hawg to root one out!

By that I mean it's time to throw all those skunks and polecats out of office. I mean every last one of them! I intend to vote against every incumbent from now on until they all get so scared that they do what the people want for fear of losing their jobs, which is all they care about. If I can't find someone decent to vote for on the ballot, then I will write one in, and speaking of writing one in, there is not a better time to write in Bascomb Biggers anywhere on the ballot where you don't like the choice.
Bascomb Biggers
October 29, 2110

The Nankipooh Mayor's Race

DATELINE: October 14, 2010

"The Nankipooh Mayor's Race"

We got ourselves quite a horse race down here in Nankipooh, watching these two scalawags try to out lie one another in order to be elected mayor of Nankipooh. On one hand you got the Democrat Ray Brown, a former mayor, and on the other hand you got old Nate Done, a former county commissioner running for the Republicans. Now both of these old boys are what we call professional politicians and they have been messing up Nankipooh and the county for decades now. So you might say we ain't got much of a choice for the next mayor of Nankipooh.

They both run ads on the TV that look like mirror images of each other. For instance they both got an ad showing two old farmers settin on the steps of the general store drinking cokes and playin checkers. While they play they are bad-mouthing the other candidate, and laughing at him.

One of these fools has a TV ad which says that everbody is laughing at Nankipooh, and the other one has an ad sayin his opponent has nothing to say, except apologize for when he was the mayor before. Neither one really wants to do anything for Nankipooh, they both just want to get elected so they can keep feedin at the public trough.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of these nere-do-wells lying to me to get my vote.
I'm also tired of these old boys tellin me how bad the other is, so you won't see how bad he is. My Daddy said you could always tell when a politician is lying, because it starts when they open their mouth.

You can always vote for me, Bascomb Biggers, I don't want much, but I sure would like a steady income in these hard times. Besides, there is one thing you know about me for sure..."I ain't no liar, and I ain't never lied to you, except for maybe, right now."

Bascomb Biggers
10-14-2010